Maintaining a marriage or relationship is a difficult thing nowadays. As in every relationship, many positive and negative memories are accumulated in marriage. Things such as a carelessly spoken word, a rude gesture, a missed special day are carefully stored in the negative relationship memory for use when necessary. Of course, families of both parties do their best to contribute to this negative relationship memory. Therefore, the relationship between marriage problems and negative relationship memory is very important.
“Your uncle have never loved me since we were engaged.”
“How about your father’s attitude when we came for your parents’ approval.”
“Clearly yours haven’t embraced me as their bride for years, and you helped it.”
“If you were warmer with them, it wouldn’t be like that.”
These and similar sentences should not sound foreign to married couples. Such words and sloppy behavior provide fuel with the negative relationship memory. This memory becomes a destructive force that is nurtured over the years and undermines a marriage or relationship. The result: permanent marriage problems and separation.
Negative relationship memory is more active and powerful in women as a biological reality.
So Why Is Negative Relationship Memory Stronger in Women?
Negative words-behaviors etc. are stressful things. When stress comes together with estrogen, which is intensely secreted in women, it increases its effect and becomes more permanent. Therefore, women almost never forget negative memories.“https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2007/04/7474/neuropsychiatrist-explains-why-female-brains-are-different “
That’s why a woman reminds you of a word that you said twenty years ago when you were on your honeymoon and long forgotten. Men beware.
Of course, every relationship has a positive memory as well as a negative memory. This memory is fed with beautiful words and wonderful gestures. These behaviors provide the fuel that nurtures and grows a relationship with care. Think of positive relationship memory as a bank account that makes you feel safe. The fuller this account is, the better you will become economically and therefore in terms of living standards. So the more you care and invest in the relationship, the more solid it is and the more you make it indestructible. A flower, a loving word, a quiet and loving look, a hug, sometimes a poem or a song sung together provide wonderful fuels to positive relationship memory.
Of course, responsibilities and life difficulties can make us angry and hurtful from time to time. But let’s not forget that destroying is easy while constructing is difficult. And negative relationship memory has the property of filling up more easily.
In the light of all this data, we now know what we need to do if we want to make our relationship or marriage more solid. Keeping the memory of positive relationships in mind and nurturing them at all times. Some also call it care for the relationship, and that’s true.
There are times when every relationship stumbles and sometimes even hits a wall. Unfortunately, we are in an age where it is very difficult to manage relationships for long. We, as the optimistic psychology team, are eager to accompany you in the long and peaceful years you will spend without building walls of resentment and nurturing and growing your relationship. With all our knowledge, human love and optimism, we are determined to nurture your positive memory, to prevent negativity from taking over you and your relationship, and to give you the peaceful life-relationship-marriage you deserve. If you are willing too, we will be waiting. Remember, marriage problems are not unsolvable, at least most of them.